The smart tramp
A tramp walks into a bar and orders a drink. “I don’t think you can pay for that, can you?” says the barman. “OK” says the tramp. “If I promise to show you something amazing, will you give me a drink?” Reluctantly, the barman agrees, and the tramp pulls a baby chick out of his pocket and puts it on the bar.
The little creature runs over to the piano and plays Imagine by John Lennon. “That was amazing,” admits the barman as he pulls the tramp’s pint. Once he has gulped it down, the tramp asks for another. “I’ll need another miracle in return,” says the barman. So this time the tramp pulls out a piglet and puts it on the bar. The piglet clears his throat and sings Bohemian Rhapsody.
At this point, a man sitting in the corner of the bar comes up and gives him £100 for the piglet. When he’s gone, the barman says to the tramp, “You’re crazy to sell that pig so cheaply. You could have got much more.” “It’s OK,” replies the tramp, “The chicken’s a ventriloquist.”
Bad day
A big lorry driver with a reputation for making trouble walks into a bar. Everyone pretends not to see him and hopes he will leave them alone. A little man is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink when the big lorry driver walks up to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little man starts crying. The lorry driver is surprised and says, “Come on man, I was only messing about, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man rying.” “This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy, sobbing. “I can’t do anything right. I slept-in and was late for an important meeting, so my boss fired me. “When I went to the car park, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a taxi home but, after it left, I found out my wallet was still in the taxi. “I got in the house and discovered my wife had left me for my brother… And then you turn up and drink the poison!”
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